Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
