Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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