I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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