4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
