at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize