I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
