apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
