I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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