one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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