Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize