Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
