just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
