I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
