i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
