But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
