I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
