Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
