I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize