mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
