sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
