I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
