he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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