So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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