I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
