A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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