im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
