the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
