my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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