carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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