Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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