Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
