ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
