every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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