I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
