Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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