Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
