They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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