Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
