Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
