I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
