alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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