she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
