Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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