I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize