can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
