Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
