i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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