I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
