OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
