forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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