What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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