i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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