The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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