found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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