I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
