You work out of a Hotel?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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