I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
