I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
