some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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