All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm passing your future prison.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
