Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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