I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
