he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
