i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
