you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
