420 ftw
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
