how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
