Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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