I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
