This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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