You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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