Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
