She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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