how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
